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Trump Refuses to Admit He Lost McDonald’s Employee of the Month
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Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post via Getty Images
FEASTERVILLE-TREVOSE, PA (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the selection process “rigged,” Donald J. Trump refused on Tuesday to accept that he was not chosen Employee of the Month at a McDonald’s where he briefly worked over the weekend.
“I’ve been treated very unfairly by McDonald’s,” he complained to reporters. “Frankly, I did win this selection.”
The Republican nominee alleged that he had “the most votes for Employee of the Month in the history of employees and months,” but that ballots cast for him were stolen by a sinister individual he called “The Hamburglar.”
Trump said he would never work at McDonald’s again, asserting that “Burger King is better, quite frankly, because it’s a monarchy.”
A co-worker of Trump’s, however, offered a downbeat assessment of his job performance: “He kept on stealing fries and whatnot, and when I caught him doing it, he threw ketchup against the wall. That guy sucks.”
Just hours after the first presidential debate of 2024, the New York Times editorial board, citing Joe Biden’s cognitive decline, urged him to quit the race. They issued no such directive to Donald Trump, whose only moments of coherence during the 90-minute contest came in the form of lies.
The Times’s love affair with Trump is reprehensible—but it’s not new. In fact, it goes back decades.
How did this sick romance begin? And how will it end? Read the whole story here.
Trump’s Scary Mental Decline: Watch the Interview Here
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